Step We Are On: Five
Page: 75
Chapter: 6 “Into Action”
Subject: Discussing ourselves with another person, fear
Read Time: 3 minutes
Read Time: 3 minutes
Good morning I hope everyone is having a great weekend. We are still on Step Five, we have admitted the natures of our wrongs to God and ourselves and now we are admitting and discussing these natures with another human being.
- HOW should we conduct our Fifth Step?
We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past.
We take any undue self-esteem and we stick it - "where the sun don't' shine" - in our pocket, of course. For the typical alcoholic that will require some pretty deep pockets.
Please note that it is the "twists of character" underlying objectionable inventory events and 'actors" that are being highlighted, not the incidents themselves. ‘We," our own character, is discussed, rather than the events. These are the twisted 'natures' of our wrongs, not necessarily the wrongs, themselves. There's no value in mere a confession of bad behaviors when the admission doesn't also contain the realization of the underlying flaws causing the heinous acts.
Please note that it is the "twists of character" underlying objectionable inventory events and 'actors" that are being highlighted, not the incidents themselves. ‘We," our own character, is discussed, rather than the events. These are the twisted 'natures' of our wrongs, not necessarily the wrongs, themselves. There's no value in mere a confession of bad behaviors when the admission doesn't also contain the realization of the underlying flaws causing the heinous acts.
Which holds more redeeming value, “I stole the last cookie off the plate by pretending not to have gotten any,” or, “I was a self-centered gluttonous pig with no regard for anyone else.”
See the difference?
See the difference?
* Pride - undue self-esteem.
* Cranny - a chink, crevice or tiny fissure.
* Twist - To contort, distort; figuratively to lend a misleading interpretation to.
~ The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938
- If we are completely honest and thorough, WHAT do the co-authors predict will happen?
Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted.
We leave no "twist of character" 'un-admitted.'
"Delight" isn't the purpose of this task, but many report a pleasurable effect after admitting the nature of our wrongs to another human being. It is a dopaminergic reaction within the brain and although fleeting, is perfectly normal.
Some of us actually seek out this "high,” (that's what it is–just as sure as the same from any chemical substance) but then become disappointed once it dissipates. This withdrawal indicates a Fifth Step that has been conducted with a selfish motive. Usually to obtain relief. It is ill-advised to promote bliss, relief or to propose the nurturing of emotional highs during this process, as it becomes a goal of the person yet prone to selfish-self-centered conduct.
Remember, we still have not reached Step 7. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes have not yet been replaced with a new set of conceptions and motives. But that will soon change.
Some of us actually seek out this "high,” (that's what it is–just as sure as the same from any chemical substance) but then become disappointed once it dissipates. This withdrawal indicates a Fifth Step that has been conducted with a selfish motive. Usually to obtain relief. It is ill-advised to promote bliss, relief or to propose the nurturing of emotional highs during this process, as it becomes a goal of the person yet prone to selfish-self-centered conduct.
Remember, we still have not reached Step 7. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes have not yet been replaced with a new set of conceptions and motives. But that will soon change.
Don't worry. A protégée will have his delightful, reward. But this is not a goal. We are seeking to know God better, not to feel better.
- What will happen to our confidence level?
We can look the world in the eye.
- What will happen to our loneliness?
We can be alone at perfect peace and ease.
There are many within the Twelve Step fellowships who doubt this. That is because it is not in their experience. Living in perfect peace, perfect ease is a trait of a recovered, spiritually awakened person and at the time of writing the book. It's co-authors had this experience.
Perfect – 1. Complete, finished, whole.
~ The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938
- What will happen to our anxieties about the future and people? Will we worry much anymore?
Our fears fall from us.
Fear is an emotional desire to escape and avoid displeasure, characterized by dread or the expectation of harm.* Anxiety and other mental and emotional disturbances are not part of the living design typifying the life of a person who has reached this phase of development in the spiritual awakening process we call "The Twelve Steps."
If your fears do not fall after a Fifth Step...you've missed it! There will be a reason. You had better discover it.
It is extremely important to realize that fear does not disappear. Many of us are under the mistaken notion that fear just is never seen again. That is an erroneous interpretation. They become disappointed, and the shadow of doubt is cast upon the soundness of the Twelve Step spiritual experience conveyed in the Big Book and begin looking for easier, softer versions which accommodate ongoing fear, anxiety and other emotional disorder.
This is not what "Our fears fall from us," is saying. If fear ever disappeared how then could we ever develop courage? What the statement does say is that while once we were tempted into fear, we can now watch the temptation to doubt fall away. This happens as we begin to outgrow unhealthy attachments to our emotions and begin to trust God. The existence of fear is not being obliterated but it is being removed from us as each temptation to ruminate upon and resent future events presents to us.
We stand unharmed by them. We are developing courage and faith that protects us from worry and relieves us from resenting events that have not yet happened - or that may not happen. Experiencing the "falling away" of this very real, ever tempting and debilitating emotion is a fact for someone who has reached this point in this recovery process. And it continues too…if they do!
We stand unharmed by them. We are developing courage and faith that protects us from worry and relieves us from resenting events that have not yet happened - or that may not happen. Experiencing the "falling away" of this very real, ever tempting and debilitating emotion is a fact for someone who has reached this point in this recovery process. And it continues too…if they do!
If they do not, then fear returns and becomes a characterizing feature in the spiritually degenerated individual who cannot get out of his head, who is addicted to worry and planning and scheming so as to manage outcomes.
Peace and Love,
Danny S – RLRA
Real Live Recovered Alcoholic
* Fear – an emotion characterized by dread or expectation of harm; anxiety. 2. Desire to escape, avoid displeasure. ~ The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938
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