How To Master Resentments

Step We Are On: Four

Page: 66

Chapter: 5 "How It Works"

Subject: Resentment Inventory

Read Time: 2 minutes

Good morning. We are going through the columns of the 4^th step directions. We are looking at the upsetting things in the world, those cruelties, and injustices that make us angry and control us. But we view them now quite differently than we once did. 

• What do we begin to see?

We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us

The people we hate, who control our responses also control our actions—how we behave. (And they use that power too.)

Page 66 – continued

• Does it make any difference whether or not the event that caused the resentment actually happened?   2 sentences

We began to see that the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape?

• What did we see?

We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how?

Once the alcoholic sees why he became one, how alcoholism has been the least of his issues and only a symptom of his real problem, then he can yield to the gravity of his situation, gently compelled toward accepting a new lifestyle. What moves him now is a goodly pressure.

• Can we carry out a decision to drop all our resentments and forget them through some mystical power of thought?

We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.

 So much for the power of positive thinking. New Thought? Law of Attraction? Course in Miracles? Each is totally antagonistic to the spiritual principles presented in this book. You will go mad trying to make them work together.

It is the dark nature in us that loves anger and loves to hate. It relishes languishing in bitter vitriol and self-importance—both are supernatural forces from which we all need to be saved. That liberation is not anything we can do for ourselves. It can only come from God.

• What will be our course?

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.

We learn to make allowances for those responsible for upsetting us, for rocking the boat. This becomes possible once we realize that others are not so much deserving of condemnation as they are of forgiveness, the same forgiveness we hope God gives us since we have done the same as others.

Tomorrow: What some folks call the "4th step Prayer".

Peace and  Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/

Anger is Poison

Step We Are On: Four

Page: 66

Chapter: 5 "How It Works"

Subject: Resentment Inventory, anger,

Good morning. We are going through the columns of the 4^th step directions. They are addressing anger.

• How about for non-alcoholics?

They may be the dubious luxury of normal men,

 "They" are the "grouch" and the "brainstorm".

• But for alcoholics, they are what?

But for alcoholics these things are poison.

•  What do we go back to?

We turned back to the list,

This is the fourth (last) column that is “missing” from the columnar illustration on page 65, and wisely added to the written fourth step.

• What does it hold for us?

For it held the key to the future.

• What are we now prepared to do about with our resentment?

We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle.

Peace and  Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/

Free to Forgive

Step We Are On: Four

Page: 66

Chapter: 5 "How It Works"

Subject: Resentment Inventory, forgiveness, anger

Good morning. We are going through the columns of the 4^th step directions

• What do we give up by replaying our resentments?

For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit.

• What happens then?

The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again.

• Does the alcoholic quit drinking then?

And with us, to drink is to die.

• If we are going to live, what must happen?

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger.

The Big Book co-authors demonstrated their understanding of the spiritual Principle of forgiveness when they said, “If we were to live, we had to be free of anger” implying that 'managing anger' (the standard secular advice you’ll get) is not the answer - but freedom from anger is; and unless we develop resilience to resentment, we will die.

• Is thinking about the way we can get even OK for alcoholics?

The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us.

Brainstorm - an outburst of passion or agitation so violent as temporarily to deprive one of reason. The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938

Grouch - a fit of temper. The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938

Peace and  Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/

The Root of Our Troubles

Step we are on: Three

Chapter: 5 "How It Works"

Subject: Playing God, resentment, The Actor, Anger, Selfishness, Self-centeredness

Comment:  The authors of this Book are reporting what they did and what they learned about themselves. This Book is based on their experience and knowledge, not ideas or opinions.

• What is the root of our troubles?  Two sentences

Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.

Selfish – When our actions are activated by - or become absorbed with, our own interests without regard to the rights, comfort or happiness of others, placing our wishes or advantage first. The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938

NOTE:  It is common to mistakenly equate “root” with “starting point” or source.

In 1938, ‘root’ meant ‘‘anchor’ not ‘cause’.

Roots (anchors) do not cause themselves. Something causative comes before roots. We are going to learn in a few pages how this root of selfishness and self-centeredness.  gets started in the first place. There is no point in addressing effects while its cause continues unabated. We should not be stuck in believing that selfishness is the source of our troubles when it is merely one of the terrible effects, a symptom that helps characterize “spiritual disease.” *

• What manifestations of our selfishness drive us?

Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity,

Fear – A desire to escape, avoid displeasure characterized by dread or expectation of harm; anxiety. The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938

• What do we do?

we step on the toes of our fellows

It is hard to be considerate of others when one is as self-absorbed and mesmerized by one’s own thoughts. Fearful means lacking in faith. It is the opposite of courageous.

• And they do what?

and they retaliate

• When people hurt us, seemingly without any provocation on our part, what do we usually find?

 Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

Tomorrow:

• Who is really responsible for all our troubles?
• Where do they come from?
• What is the alcoholic an extreme example of?
• Can the alcoholic see the truth?
• Above everything, what must happen?
• Why is that so important?

Peace and  Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/

* On page 64, we will discover how it is “resentment” that comes before “selfishness.” Selfishness is merely one of the symptoms of spiritual sickness, not the cause of it. This is important because not seeing this can cause one to futilely struggle with trying to overcome selfishness (usually by compensating with phony  do-good behavior) when it will leave automatically once we are freed from anger.