Pocket Your Pride - The Fall of Fear

Step We Are On: Five

Page: 75

Chapter: 6 “Into Action”

Subject: Discussing ourselves with another person, fear

Read Time: 3 minutes

Good morning I hope everyone is having a great weekend. We are still on Step Five, we have admitted the natures of our wrongs to God and ourselves and now we are admitting and discussing these natures with another human being.

• HOW should we conduct our Fifth Step?

We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past.

We take any undue self-esteem and we stick it - "where the sun don't' shine" - in our pocket, of course. For the typical alcoholic that will require some pretty deep pockets.

Please note that it is the "twists of character" underlying objectionable inventory events and 'actors" that are being highlighted, not the incidents themselves.  ‘We," our own character, is discussed, rather than the events. These are the twisted 'natures' of our wrongs, not necessarily the wrongs, themselves. There's no value in mere a confession of bad behaviors when the admission doesn't also contain the realization of the underlying flaws causing the heinous acts.

Which holds more redeeming value, “I stole the last cookie off the plate by pretending not to have gotten any,” or,  “I was a self-centered gluttonous pig with no regard for anyone else.”

See the difference?

* Pride - undue self-esteem.

* Cranny - a chink, crevice or tiny fissure.

* Twist - To contort, distort; figuratively to lend a misleading interpretation to.

~ The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938

• If we are completely honest and thorough, WHAT do the co-authors predict will happen?

Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted.

We leave no "twist of character" 'un-admitted.'

"Delight" isn't the purpose of this task, but many report a pleasurable effect after admitting the nature of our wrongs to another human being. It is a dopaminergic reaction within the brain and although fleeting, is perfectly normal.

Some of us actually seek out this "high,” (that's what it is–just as sure as the same from any chemical substance) but then become disappointed once it dissipates. This withdrawal indicates a Fifth Step that has been conducted with a selfish motive. Usually to obtain relief. It is ill-advised to promote bliss, relief or to propose the nurturing of emotional highs during this process, as it becomes a goal of the person yet prone to selfish-self-centered conduct.

Remember, we still have not reached Step 7. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes have not yet been replaced with a new set of conceptions and motives. But that will soon change. 

Don't worry. A protégée will have his delightful, reward. But this is not a goal. We are seeking to know God better, not to feel better.

• What will happen to our confidence level?

We can look the world in the eye.

• What will happen to our loneliness?

We can be alone at perfect peace and ease.

There are many within the Twelve Step fellowships who doubt this. That is because it is not in their experience. Living in perfect peace, perfect ease is a trait of a recovered, spiritually awakened person and at the time of writing the book. It's co-authors had this experience.

Perfect – 1. Complete, finished, whole.

~ The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938

• What will happen to our anxieties about the future and people? Will we worry much anymore?

Our fears fall from us.

Fear is an emotional desire to escape and avoid displeasure, characterized by dread or the expectation of harm.* Anxiety and other mental and emotional disturbances are not part of the living design typifying the life of a person who has reached this phase of development in the spiritual awakening process we call "The Twelve Steps."

If your fears do not fall after a Fifth Step...you've missed it! There will be a reason. You had better discover it.

It is extremely important to realize that fear does not disappear. Many of us are under the mistaken notion that fear just is never seen again. That is an erroneous interpretation. They become disappointed, and the shadow of doubt is cast upon the soundness of the Twelve Step spiritual experience conveyed in the Big Book and begin looking for easier, softer versions which accommodate ongoing fear, anxiety and other emotional disorder. 

This is not what "Our fears fall from us," is saying. If fear ever disappeared how then could we ever develop courage? What the statement does say is that while once we were tempted into fear, we can now watch the temptation to doubt fall away. This happens as we begin to outgrow unhealthy attachments to our emotions and begin to trust God. The existence of fear is not being obliterated but it is being removed from us as each temptation to ruminate upon and resent future events presents to us.  

We stand unharmed by them. We are developing courage and faith that protects us from worry and relieves us from resenting events that have not yet happened - or that may not happen. Experiencing the "falling away" of this very real, ever tempting and debilitating emotion is a fact for someone who has reached this point in this recovery process.  And it continues too…if they do!

If they do not, then fear returns and becomes a characterizing feature in the spiritually degenerated individual who cannot get out of his head, who is addicted to worry and planning and scheming so as to manage outcomes.

Peace and Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

* Fear – an emotion characterized by dread or expectation of harm; anxiety.  2. Desire to escape, avoid displeasure. ~ The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938

Swallowing without Choking

Step We Are On: Four

 Page: 70

 Chapter: 5 "How It Works"

 Subject: Resentment Inventory, Fear, Self reliance, Trust 

Good morning. We are finishing up the 4th step directions.

• What will have happened by the time Steps Three and Four are completed?  

That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.

 Comment:  The truth will set us free.   But until it does, it will beat our brains out!!!

This assumes we have followed the directions and not adapted some other methods; that we have not under or over analyzed our past or the truths that our past behaviors have brought to light.

 We should have in hand:[1] 

1)  a four column written Resentment Inventory.

2)  the word “Pride” has been written on the appropriate lines  as indicated in the example on page 65

3)  The word “fear”  in brackets has been written on the appropriate lines as indicated in the directions on page 65

4)  A three column Fear inventory that includes the fears off the resentment list as well as fears not associated with that list, added on.

5)  A six-column Sex inventory.

6)  A list of the people we have hurt (It has become common practice put this list on the same page as the “Sex Inventory” – save a tree? Doesn’t seem to be a problem.)

7)  Maybe a written sane/sound future “sex ideals” page. (‘written’ is not indicate in the book, again just common practice based upon experience of many “sponsor” and passed on over the years)

Anything less is not thorough and anything more is overshooting the runway. Either will be detrimental to this process and usually result in big chunks being un-swallowed - or else a severe case of indigestion, even for those "chunks" we manage to avoid choking on.

 NEXT – we start Chapter 6 “Into Action”.

Peace and Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/

---

[1] Even though this is how the Book delineates a 4^th step inventory and it does work, there is a good chance the above summation will not correspond 100% with how you’ve done it in the past. This is the problem with the plethora of re-fit, watered down or unnecessarily amplified step methods proliferating over the last two decades. With the growth of portable media and the Internet, these have spread even wider than they had in decades previous. If your method has come close and a spiritual awakening has still occurred for you there is no need to be dismayed. You have been blessed and it would not be necessary to go back to re- do it. Spiritual awakening is the only result we can hope for, not "compliance". But in order to represent to a newcomer that you will show him how YOU did it, you will have to be honest, letting him know. Please be sure to indicate that YOUR inventory differs from the Big Book. IE. If you don’t have “fear” “bracketed” or "Pride" alongside appropriate items on your own inventory please don’t convey that you have.  If you used a 4 Column SEX Inventory, don’t say you’ve followed the  “Sex Review”  directions in the book.  But going forward it is suggested that you get back to what is in the book; deep six the rewritten directions often found in 12 step course-books, uber-sponsor revisions or on rehab handouts. Being honest with others in all matters is a good indicator that your own virtue remains intact and that your spiritual growth has been activated and continues.

Time to Get Unblocked

Step We Are On: Four

Page: 70

Chapter: 5 "How It Works"

Subject: Resentment Inventory, Fear, Self reliance, Trust, Sexual Redirection

Good morning. We are going through the columns of the 4th step directions. We are looking at sex and learning how sex problems…….are problematic; in that they can be as much a part of self-centered behaviors and cause harms to others as other human activities. 

• We have a list of who?

We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct,

• What do they predict about our attitude at this stage?

and are willing to straighten out the past if we can.

• What do we read in this Book, over and over?

In this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves.

QUESTION:  Is this a self-help program or a God-help Program?

Please turn to page 71

• Of what should we now become convinced?

We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him.

But being bound to self, like slaves, we could not help but do “its” will. We cannot will it way. Only God can remove it. Struggle is useless.

• If you have taken the Third Step and the Fourth Step, where are you?

If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning.

 Just a beginning. A good one though.

Peace and Love,
Danny S – RLRA
Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/

Patience, Tolerance and Good Will Are Coming

Step We Are On: Four

Page: 70

Chapter: 5 "How It Works"

Subject: Resentment Inventory, Fear, Self-reliance, Patience, Tolerance, Good Will

Read time: 3 mins

Good morning. We are going through the columns of the 4th step directions. We are looking at sex and learning how sex problems…….are problematic in that they can be as much a part of self-centered behaviors and cause harms to others as other human activities.

• If we have been thorough, what have we done?

If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot.

How Long? For a protegee older than 30 years --- a list can typically run around 100 long. It frequently goes as high as 300, even 400, depending on how long a protegee has been alive.  Much under that and they  probably haven’t been thorough enough. 

Near 100 is usually enough to accomplish what this inventory is intended to provide–a clear picture of the flaws in our make-up which caused our downfall, blocking us off from the Sunlight of the Spirit (God's grace) Much more than that and a protegee is probably being ridiculous and procrastinating, or held on a leash by a controlling sponsor or errant Group philosophy.

Think about the word “thorough.” How long does “thorough” mean? It means long enough to play its role in having a “spiritual awakening as the result of these steps”. THAT’S IT! That’s all this process is supposed to do.

It isn’t to psychoanalyze every darned aspect of a spiritually corrupted alcoholic’s self-centered lifestyle. Abusing this marvelously simple device can be tempting, and many yet to be healed, or spiritually relapsed folks heading for a drink or worse will use it for this purpose -  but we will get into how the co-authors handle that later in this study. And they do!

Thorough – Going to the end. Complete. Finished not superficial. As a thorough cleaning.

~ The Winston Simplified Dictionary Encyclopedic Edition (1938)

• What have we listed?

We have listed and analyzed our resentments.

• What have we begun to understand?

We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality.

 Begun.

• We have commenced seeing what?

We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness.

Commenced.

Don’t these four above ideas provide a fair and accurate characterization of the columnar functioning of the written inventory?

• What do they now predict for us at this stage of the process?

We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. 

Notice the co-authors do not pronounce us, “patient," "tolerant,” or say that we are now of, “goodwill.” These attributes are coming ... but we aren't there yet. Not at this early stage of the process anyway. After all, page 70 is only Step 4.

Words used in this book like “commence," and, “begun,” are important. They tell us where we are in relation to these goodly attributes and in understanding. They will happen when God removes the self-will and defects which have blocked us off from Him.

For now, we are beginning to learn these things.

They have not yet become second nature. (But they will if we continue without balking) It is important to know this because very many people perform a 4th step, thinking that it is the key to their happiness and relief or whatever emotional stress they are undergoing.

Then, when relief fails to immediately materialize, they can bolt. Some drink. Some just remain wretched, anxious and full of fear, but dry. Some go so far as to blame their miserable state of mind on the Steps or the sponsor for "going too fast".

There are entire groups, sponsorship cultures that have formed as mini-subcultures within the AA fellowship that are predicated upon constant ongoing 4th step inventories and reliance upon sponsors to motivate through these. Protégés can then expect continuing emotional pain and remorse at this phase of recovery, not relief. (Many religions know this as part of "repentance" for "sins" - in 12 step parlance it is feeling "objectionable" for "flaws" - same thing. Both need God.

We are now beginning to see that the emotional condition called resentment is terrible and it is destructive. After all, have we already been told that . . .


"From it* stem all forms of spiritual disease..."  (64:3) It is true. 

Dying from spiritual disease is an ugly, highly symptomatic, death, wrought with selfishness, disease and mental anguish.

Peace and Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/

*Resentment

Sexual Redirection

Step We Are On: Four

Page: 70

Chapter: 5 "How It Works"

Subject: Resentment Inventory, Fear, Self reliance, Trust, Sexual Redirection

Read Time: 4 minutes

Good morning. We are going through the columns of the 4th step directions. We are looking at sex and learning how sex problems…….are problematic; in that they can be as much a part of self-centered behaviors and cause harms to others as other human activities. 

 Page 70 – continued

Comment:  The following is the third prayer for our sex conduct.

• We earnestly pray for what?

To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing.

•  If sex continues to be a problem, is there something we can do?

If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others.

Please remember that this ‘section’ of the Big Book is the Step Four inventory. It’s still early in the awakening process. Inventory is a newcomer phase of recovery as presented in this book. These observations are for the barely abstinent alcoholic who has not yet had a spiritual awakening.

Many un-awake, still spiritually slumbering folks, are very much obsessed with their self-centered sexual urges.

Diversions away from selfishness habits can be a useful tool to help postpone some obsessive behaviors at this stage of the game. In today’s terms, this is known as “Redirection”, replacing “troubling” obsessive behavior for more appropriate behavior and it can have an impact  - It is a common technique, well known in secular psychology. 

Comment:  Please note that we are in the process of taking the first action Step to recovery and the First Hundred tell us it is not too soon to start trying to help a newcomer.

The idea that we must have a minimum length of sobriety before we can try to help a newcomer did not come from our Basic Text.

• What do we try to think of?

We think of their needs and work for them

• What does this do?

This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache.

• It will quiet what?

It quiets the imperious urge,

Imperious - Dictatorial, commandeering, overbearing
~ The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938

Newcomers or anyone not yet living in a God Conscious state are frequently "ruled" by their instincts and find they are unable to keep from abusing them.

• If we yield, what will it mean?

when to yield would mean heartache.

Like many secular gimmicks, redirection is not a permanent solution to mentally obsessive thinking or behavior, especially not those tied to instinctual proclivities like reproduction (or eating.) 

Only God will remove that kind of selfishness. Only God can permanently “redirect our thinking.”

This is an internal, deep and lasting change in attitude and it only comes through ongoing spiritual growth.

Question: Should a “sponsor” who has already had a spiritual awakening, who continues to live and improve his Conscious Contact with God, need to “work with others” in order to keep his sexual urges in check? Or should his God Consciousness provide a lifestyle that is free from the sexual shortcomings (immorality) so often bedeviling the newcomer?

When I ran a newspaper in New York I hired a managing editor who frequently worked with intern copy editors. These were high school seniors, mostly girls who would come in after school to work part time in the newsroom.  He would sometimes bolt from his desk and run out of the newsroom and down the hall. I figured he had a bladder problem.

One day one of the girls, named Kelly, came to me and said, “Larry just ran down the hall and into an empty office.”

“Yeah, so?” I said without looking up. If I had Kelly might have seen the look on my face; that I was a little confused. Why didn’t he run into the men’s room?

“He’s in their doing push-ups, “ Kelly said.

“Push-ups?”

“Yup. He’s on the floor in that empty office down there grunting and going a mile a minute.”

“Oh. I see.”

“He does that like three or four times every afternoon. I think he has a problem with uh…girls?” I knew what she meant.

“Know what I mean?” she asked. I shook my head in the affirmative.

As Kelly left I heard her mutter something unintelligible. It had the word “creepy” in it.

Larry did not do anything improper in the office. He successfully redirected his behaviors. But he burned like a dog in heat and knew he needed to act like a God disciplined human being. He suffered from the bondage of self, a torment that a recovered alcoholic who has had a spiritual awakening and is learning to live God-consciously does not experience.

Larry was not free.

Peace and Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/