Step We Are On: FivePage: 74
Chapter: 6 “Into Action”
Subject: Discussing ourselves with another person
Read Time: 4 mins.
To be a witness to an alcoholic's 5th step, his personal admissions to matters he once thought ought to be taken to his grave, is to participate in a miracle.
If you miss that, you haven't yet participated fully in the 12 step miracle.
- How do we handle some of these parts of our story?
Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand, yet be unaffected.
"Parts?" An interesting idea isn't it? Thus we have the facility to split up some parts of the 5th step to be, “discussed,” among a choice of persons. These days it is typically a 12 step sponsor but it doesn’t have to be. (My 5th step was distributed over a) a recovered alcoholic AA member, b) a hooker and c) a Catholic priest. Some parts needing different levels of “understanding.”)
I sometimes set up meetings with people who call for specific divisions of their 5th step to be discussed independently of their “12 step sponsor.” Often there are issues of grave immoral departure that could cause damage if not discussed with someone who is entirely removed from the alcoholic's community. I have “discussed” everything from murder to incest, bestiality, and pedophilia. Many alcoholics, especially those who are also drug addicts come from excessively immoral backgrounds. They have seen or done things no one should ever see or do.
I sometimes set up meetings with people who call for specific divisions of their 5th step to be discussed independently of their “12 step sponsor.” Often there are issues of grave immoral departure that could cause damage if not discussed with someone who is entirely removed from the alcoholic's community. I have “discussed” everything from murder to incest, bestiality, and pedophilia. Many alcoholics, especially those who are also drug addicts come from excessively immoral backgrounds. They have seen or done things no one should ever see or do.
Some are also greatly troubled by past experiences regarding homosexuality, molestation, rape and extreme promiscuity; either perpetrated upon them or in which they have themselves have obsessively engaged.
There are other serious issues too, less morally severe pasts that are strictly of the criminal nature. Discussing these in this fashion is absolutely within the realm of the Big Book, experience conveyed by the co-authors.
You can see why there may be a need to “outsource” for the ear of an understanding person to discuss “parts” of our story.
There are other serious issues too, less morally severe pasts that are strictly of the criminal nature. Discussing these in this fashion is absolutely within the realm of the Big Book, experience conveyed by the co-authors.
You can see why there may be a need to “outsource” for the ear of an understanding person to discuss “parts” of our story.
- What rule do we follow?
The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.
“Easy does it” does not apply to a Fifth Step, does it?
- What situation could exist?
Notwithstanding the great necessity for discussing ourselves with someone, it may be one is so situated that there is no suitable person available.
- What do we do if there is no 'suitable' person can share with?
If that is so, this step may be postponed, only, however,
"suitable" means convenient but it also means "appropriate."
Postpone means to delay or defer, but it also means “to consider (a thing) as of minor importance.” The next sentence makes it clear that this deferral in time does not mean a putting off for months or years.
- But we must be ready to do what?
if we hold ourselves in complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity
Experience in doing this work tells us that when a prospect is honestly in a state of “complete readiness” as indicated, then “first opportunities” come quickly, not usually more than a few days or maybe a week later at most.
Readiness 1. A state of being in condition to act or to be used immediately. ~ The Winston Simplified Dictionary – 1938
This is not something a “sponsor” has to continually remind a sincere protégé in order to motivate him forward. Anyone truly ready to have this experience is going to be chomping at the bit here. His zeal will be apparent. If he has to be continually coaxed and prodded to keep moving here, there is little chance that this is a true candidate for this spiritual program and the man who has engaged in this approach is probably wasting his and his protégées time and time that could be spent helping someone whose capacity for honesty is accessible.
Quoting another of his own protégés, Cliff B has often reminded me,“If they understand how desperate their situation is, you can’t beat them away with a baseball bat but if they don’t, you can’t give it to them with an enema.”
This "readiness" means an abatement of dread and it is a real, observable phenomenon. We who remain consistent on the firing line witness it regularly at all phases of this spiritual process and yes, even in this fifth step. The complete inability, to be honest, reduces to a mere tremble and a feeble knocking of the knees and no more.
To be a witness to an alcoholic speaking honestly and in confidence of matters he once thought he would take to his grave is to participate is a wondrous miracle.
Peace and Love,
To be a witness to an alcoholic speaking honestly and in confidence of matters he once thought he would take to his grave is to participate is a wondrous miracle.
Peace and Love,
Danny S – RLRA
Real Live Recovered Alcoholic
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