Facilitating a Fifth Step: Finding the Right Person

Step We Are On: Five

Page: 74

Chapter: 6 “Into Action”

Subject: Discussing ourselves with another person

Merely claiming to be "recovered," or having 100 adoring protegees underwing is not a qualification for quality sponsorship, let alone properly facilitating a Fifth Step. There are specific qualifications which are detailed by the co-authors of “Alcoholics Anonymous,” on page 74. Not everyone is going to fit the bill, even within the AA Fellowship. Today we are going to look at ways to qualify someone to hear our first step. It is not the “sponsor” who makes decisions about with whom or when a fifth step is conducted.

Just as making a decision in Step Three, it is the protegee who calls this shot as well.

• Why do we say this?

We say this because we are very anxious that we talk to the right person

If there can be a “right” person then can also be a “wrong” person. But these days since this part of the 12 step process is typically done ‘in-house” – it is fairly easy to find a ‘right’ person.  But that selection is certainly not limited to those within the fellowship.  It may also do well to go outside the Fellowship for some discussions.

• What four qualities must the person hearing our Fifth Step hold to qualify for this important task?

(i) “It is important that he be able to keep a confidence;
(ii) that he fully understand and
(ii) approve what we are driving at

(iii) that he will not try to change our plan.”

 Loose lips are, of course, a concern but not the only one. We are also cautioned to watch for folks who want to “change our plan”.  If our plan is to follow the Big Book directions, not taking this simple straight forward process and altering, or make “improvements” to it, the this that caution ought to  heeded.

“Our Plan”, as we have already decided, is to follow what is in the Big Book. If someone wants to engage us into some other kind of psychoanalytic or spiritual method,  perhaps adding workbooks or additional readings from other books, even prayers not evocative to the spiritual principles espoused in the Big Book, then this is someone trying to alter that “plan”.  (I have even heard of Native Americans rituals and other pseudo-spiritual, mystical practices being incorporated into a Fifth Step event. These have no place in the “our plan” portion of recovery by spiritual awakening using this method.)

Some would-be 12 step “sponsors” even encourage others to put off this vital step, for some future project. This is also changing the “our plan” in the book. If we have adopted that plan as “ours” then such persons,  as knowledgeable,  amiable or tenured as they may seem, would not qualify to facilitate the AA Style, Fifth Step as proposed by the co-authors of this book.

Page 75

Can we use this as an excuse to postpone?

But we must not use this as a mere excuse to postpone.

• When do we do our Fifth Step?

When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time.

“WE DECIDE”!  It is the protégées decision; with whom to go forward in the timely manner prescribed. The requirements for the job are pretty minimal. Sometimes going outside of the fellowship is preferable to staying inside it with the wrong person  or delaying going forward waiting to select a "Mr. Right," who may not arrive in time, before the miracle of spiritual awakening has mitigated and removed the alcoholic obsession.

This is a race toward a spiritual awakening that will eliminate the obsession to drink, reducing it to a mere feeble thought. Postponement is not a viable option.

Peace and Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/